Control the Controllable

Divorce may make you feel like your life, as you have known it for so long, is now completely out of control. You may be feeling like everything is crumbling and there is nothing you can do about it but wait for it to be over.

Or, you may be trying to control everyone and everything so that you feel as if you are not being taken advantage of. Your brain will create stressful emotions when you try to control something that cannot be controlled. This may be good in some situations but trying to control everything about your divorce will not help you.

You can’t control everything; however, you can significantly increase your influence over the way your divorce plays out by controlling the controllable.

5 Things You Can Control in Your Divorce

While the way your spouse behaves is not controllable, you can control how you interact with him or her. While the way your children behave is not controllable, you can influence how they behave by the way you respond to them. While the outcome of your divorce is not controllable, you can influence your outcomes by the way you prepare for your divorce and present yourself throughout the proceedings.

Five things you can control that will enhance your ability to maximize the outcome of your divorce while still proceeding with class and dignity are:

  1. Being humble with confidence. You know you have weaknesses that can be improved, but confidence that you can still maximize your outcomes in these proceedings and the way you start your new life after divorce by doing your homework, staying focused, and hiring professionals when you do not know the answer or how to do something.
  2. Being coachable. Be open to feedback even if you feel defensive or closed.
  3. Your intent, focus, and energy. Even if you are not feeling it, you can embrace your emotions and then decide how you want to proceed, what you will focus on, and what energy you will bring.
  4. Focus on doing your job. Focus on collecting information and getting on with your life. Spend less time trying to change your spouse.
  5. How you approach and respond to other people. Regardless of your emotions and how others are acting, you can choose how you want to act. Judges, referees, opposing counsel, and mediators are all human beings and are always watching you and unconsciously forming opinions. It is good to remember that.

Exercising these five steps will help you maximize your influence over the things that are important to you – your relationships, your happiness, your stability, and your reputation – and the things that you want to prioritize in your divorce. Remember to expect the expected. Stop wishing for things to be different, for your spouse to act better, for your debt to go away, etc. and accept the facts of your life. Control the controllable.

At the Law Offices of Elaine Stypula, we are dedicated to helping our clients navigate divorce successfully. Contact us at (248) 565-3800 to see how we can serve you.

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